Friday, May 01, 2009

May, really?

I can't believe it is already May!
I can't believe I didn't really post anything this month besides my photo a day. I mean, there were a few in there, but nothing really. Truth be told...I am overwhelmed right now. Overwhelmed by life itself, which sounds really stupid and maybe will help me put things in perspective by getting this all like things you think you feel and then when you say them aloud they sound entirely off base and silly? Truth is, I have occasional depression. It is horrible and I have the capability to psych myself out of it most of the time. I remind myself that is chemical and I can get out of it, but wonder in the back of my mind, if one time, that won't work - scary! Yes, I have taken medication for it, etc. but have been off of it for about 2 years now and am doing OK except for these little bumps in the road, which I can (so far) manage. I am blessed to have that little voice inside of me that says, just get out there, be active, you will feel much better and boy is that the truth. That voice is just starting to come out now. The entire month of April, I really only found solace in the thought of folding into myself and totally letting the entire low feeling envelop me but just before I would start to sink, life would throw me a curve ball that kept me from that and I am grateful. When I start feeling like there is too much, I make a list of what I have to do and when it is due and on the flip side I make a gratitude list - things I am thankful for at this moment. I keep those lists in my journal and when I need to go back and see that things aren't so bad, I read them.
Anyway, I do feel better putting this out there. Maybe some of you get this same way too, I don't know. I am a little embarrassed because I try super hard in my life to be really positive and optimistic but I have to say that even the people with the shiniest positive sheen sometimes get a little tarnished.


Angela said...

I missed this post. Sorry.
Um, you have a shit ton of stuff going on and it would be weird if you didn't get overwhelmed and depressed by it all. Aunt Mary, especially. I hope that you are feeling better. Our trip will be about revitalization and healing for everyone. I think it's great that you write here and in your journal, it's good to get stuff out of your head. My blog feels like a journal and keeps things from piling up in my head.
Love you and I'm always here for you. Always.

Anonymous said...

it takes courage to talk about feelings of sadness and depression - know that you're not alone :)

pomegranate seed said...

thank you for your honesty and sharing it, katie. that is REAL and that is what is important, beyond any faked optimism - being true to yourself, which you totally are, is what matters...because then you can face the truth of where you are and move through it when you are ready... or at least, so i believe. who knows? i have tough days as well...dark ones...sad ones... we all struggle. but that's life. there are tough times we all face, but sharing it, as angela said, journaling, blogging, keeps it a process of growth and you are doing so amazing... and just know your friends are here for you :) xxoo

The Maltese Kat said...

Thanks Ang and Sara, your support means a lot. Just knowing that I have gals that I can turn to if I need to makes me feel so good.
I am truly blessed to have you!
XO - Katie

PS - Also, thanks Anonymous for your comment. Very nice in deed.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...